Warning: brain vomit

It's been one week since school officially ended. The brisk pace of vacation is not unexpected. I feel like I'm wasting my time, but I feel like this almost every day. I don't spend the entire day in front of the computer, but I feel like I'm spending too much time. My mom, though I appreciate her very much, is nagging me about looking for internships and planning for things to do over summer, not to mention telling me to call the OC Rescue Mission and get volunteering in the weeks before school starts again. I was the one who wanted to volunteer over break way back in the fall semester, and yet, even though I've mailed the volunteer form, I don't feel like calling them and asking them when I can start volunteering. Thinking isn't enough, doing is what matters, but now, it seems my thinking is skewed. Breaks always seem to go by like this. I always feel like it's going by too quickly. Quickly as in having fun but not feeling satisfied. I am lazy. I ignore the One that matters most during a time when I have the most freedom. What's up with me?

I'm just a freshman in college. Academically, I'm still expected to achieve at the college level. Socially, my parents still consider me the two-year-younger child that I am compared to my peers. I don't quite resent it yet, as I'm timid and unwilling to reach out. But wait, I do want to reach out. I want to push boundaries. I want to get uncomfortable. But not that uncomfortable. It's a push and pull. I feel that I've done a lot of adapting and settling and going out of my way to try new things, but I don't feel quite "independent" yet. That's such a subjective word. The line between independent and rebellious isn't quite clear sometimes. I'll leave it at that.

I finally got to update my course list on Facebook. It got me excited for next semester. I'm taking a variety of courses from different departments. And only one TO class. Joy.

Merry Christmas to the faithful remnant who still reads this blog. And hello to the random people that stumble upon this blog. And happy holidays to those who don't celebrate Christmas. By the way, it's ridiculously warm for mid-December in LA. I drove my parents to Koreatown today and the temperature was 82°.

Beat the Longhorns. Sorry if this post is depressing. I'm not gloomy on the outside. I am my harshest critic.